So, who knows ya know? Then, Jenilee wrote a status about drugs and I commented my opinion on it. She cheated on the guy she's now married to, and slept with Brian, and I just think she sounds ahdy but Brian says no. Then I found out that she and Brian once slept together. I already kind of feel like girls in indiana are kind of shady. I don't know, I just want a good small circle of friends. She was always awkward, but one day she just started with craziness. She's a good person but I think it's too hard for her to have "real" relationships. I regret how I handled it, I don't know how I feel about not being friends with her. Like, I'm okay not being friends with her- I feel like I put more stock in it than she did (the friendship) But I do regret how I handled the situation. Jessica didn't deserve to have me just disappear. So in the future I hope to do better by people. I know it hurts people, especially when they don't know what they did wrong. I mean I did it to you, Jessica and Melissa. I want to teach them confidence and independence and individuality.ĩ. I'm not a patient, focused, person and I need to be.ħ. It doesn't make them wrong, it doesn't make me wrong.
Someone else's truth may differ from mine. I should never be afraid to speak my mind.ĥ. Life is not simply black and white as to what's wrong or right. Instead of just cutting people off so callously and with no explanation, I have to be able to talk to a person about my feelings and go from there.ģ. I was thinking today about some of the lessons I've learned in the past year or less.ġ. Summer made Dominique and Roberta talk some of their issues out so hopefully some of that drama will be alleviated. Anyway, I'm sure you know that story I just wanted to make sure I properly elaborated. Sometimes, I really miss having a dog of my own. :-( I would give anything to pet her again and just tell her I lo ve her. I don't think I even got to tell her I loved her. Anyway, Becky loved swimming and the day she died, I had gotten so mad at her for swimming (I THINK it was that) And I like, kicked her.I don't know, it still breaks my heart to this day that she died hours later. Initially, Becky was supposed to be my dog, and Mikey Rory's dog but they both just ended up being mine. So on page 165 I wanted to elaborate more on #98.Becky was my black lab and she died on New Years eve/day while I was at Rnee and Jimmy's house. I'm sleepy but I want at least half an hour or to page 170. I cleaned my side of the room up, then I ate and now I'm writing. It will be good to have a phone again!! Okay, more when I'm home. I think my phone ships out today so that will be good. I want to be on page 200 by the weekend and try to finish this by NEXT weekend. Like really write for once and just get some stuff done. I think I am going to clean up my room then put Pandora on and just WRITE. Then, 3 hours and 9 minutes left at work before I go home. I wish I could redo the day of beckys death I want to love drinking water but I hate itĩ8. I don't believe man has ever really walked on the moonĩ4. I don't think I'll ever believe I'm prettyħ5. I have heard most of my life that I am fat\uglyħ2. My dad has never told me I'm beautifulħ0. That's one of my favorite compliments EVER.Ħ9. Ryan Brennan's friend Patrick said my smile "burst"Ħ8. I feel invisible\unimportant to peopleĦ7. When I AM a bitch, I wish I was nicer :-\Ħ2. So, to continue my 100 random things about me:ĥ2.
It will be the dawn of a new Chelsea era LOL. Which, I will incorporate a new weight loss journey into. This promise is for myself as well as you. I promise to take my time on the details so you know what I'm talking about and so I can get this shit out LOL. I promise to write for at least half an hoiur a day until I am finished. What I noticed about this NB in particular is not only am I not writing as often as I want but I'm not allowing myself to write out EVERYTHING in detail. Really want to concentrate on writing as part of learning focus and patience. Now, I have this and SOME poetry book which I may try to add to but only if I finish this first. My next NB is going to kick this ones ass. Babies are asleep and I just decided I really want to work on finishing this. *sigh* I feel like the days just literally run together.
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